Is Sex Necessary?
By Justin Gardner | Related entries in Sexuality
Well, no…it’s not. But if you want to lead a healthier life, an active sex life apparently brings you more good than harm.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 12th, 2006 and is filed under Sexuality. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
April 12th, 2006 at 8:27 am
I believe the most important thing emphasized was the study was done on people who were middle aged.
“Abstinence advocates” such as myself are not saying you refrain from sex forever, we’re saying don’t do it if you aren’t ready for the financial and emotional consequences of doing so (read: a baby, hurt feelings, mixed emotions, STD’s, et al.).
There is ZERO reason for teenagers to be having sex. Given 72 years of life, that is 45-50 years that men and women have room for sex. Is it too much to ask that people recognize that sex, while being a health benefit, also poses a legitimate concern for your financial and emotional future?
I’m still a traditionalist with that “no sex before marriage” shtick. Quite frankly, sex with one partner is a lot less complicated physically and emotionally than sex with multiple partners. There are also studies that indicate those who have sex with one partner while married are happier than those either unmarried or with multiple partners.
April 12th, 2006 at 8:55 am
Brian were you ever 17? I remember it, and it was mostly all I thought about. It’s not till you hit middle age that sex takes a back seat to other concerns. Sex is fine, if you take the correct precautions. The problem with abstinence people is that they do not allow the possibility that not all people want to follow abstinence, and they also do not offer other options to abstinence, like safe sex. Teach it to your kids, that’s your thing, but when my kids hit the age when they start considering whether or not to have sex, I will discourage, but I will also inform on how to be safe and enjoy the act.
Multiple partners are more interesting, fun, exciting, and something I will never regret.
April 12th, 2006 at 10:19 am
So Brian,
No sex before marriage, eh? I’ve always wanted to get an answer to this question from someone who subscribes to this idea. If you don’t have sex with a person until after you’re married, how will you know whether the sex will be any good? What if you get her home, and she just doesn’t do it for you? That’s like buying a car without a test drive, no? I personally could not chance that. If I married a man and on our wedding night he just . . . . Yuck. I guess if both people have never had sex, maybe they won’t know the difference, but still . . . . Yuck.
April 13th, 2006 at 10:25 am
Yes, I was 17. About 2 years ago. Of course I think about sex, but thinking and acting are two different things. Why adults seem to think we are nothing more then mindless walking libidos I cannot fathom, though it may have something to do with the fact they were all stoned or drunken hippies in the feel-good era of the 60′s and 70′s and feel that because they screwed up their bodies with drugs and alchohol, we do the same. I’m tired of it, don’t you people have any high expectations at all? We aren’t you, most of us don’t care about woodstock and weed, we actually want structure in our lives and someone who will teach sex in a philosophy setting, not a woodshop one. A fat lot of good it does telling people at the beginning of the course “you shouldn’t have sex,” but then spend the rest of the course putting condoms on bananas. And then you wonder about teen pregnancy rates going up or a huge rise in STD’s. Can’t imagine why, given all this “comprehensive” sex-ed crap is a recent development, amazingly coinciding with such a rising tide of disease.
There is no such thing as “safe sex” for “those who do not want to follow abstinence”. Most people my age are not psychologically or emotionally ready to have sex period, but people pushing pills and condoms don’t care about that, PP doesn’t care about teens, they just want the sell. They want sex to be this safe, nuetral thing when it isn’t. It is a life-altering experience with serious consequences that effect a bare minimum of 3 lives. Pills mess up a growning woman’s body, condoms break, and often this activity occurs after drinking anyway. The excuse I heard was “things happen on weekends”. Well thats bloody brilliant, “things happen” is a justification for compromising 3 lives.
Meredith, if you base your relationship on someone’s percieved sexual skills, should you even be marrying them in the first place? Sex is a skill, it can be learned. The Indians have an entire book on the subject, the Karma Sutra or something. The most important sexual organ is the BRAIN, or how about communicating with your partner what you like? Imagine that, communication in a relationship, a novel concept indeed. If the foundation of your relationship is how good the sex is, don’t bother having a relationship, you can go down to the whorehouse and get someone who is assuredly skilled in that regard with no strings attached.
April 13th, 2006 at 11:15 am
Oh Brian,
I hate to go there, but oh you are so young! A little tip for you for later on. Sex is a very important part of a relationship. Of course there are other very important things in a relationship as well, and I am not suggesting that these things be ignored. The foundation is certainly not sex, but it is still important. I’m curious as to why you would take your argument to the extreme of me claiming that sex is the most important thing in a relationship. I did not say that, now did I? Also, I would argue that sex cannot really be learned. You are either good at it or bad at it. You can get better with practice, but it’s just not that simple. I suppose two people can get together, both of whom are not very skilled at performing sex acts, and neither of you will really know the difference. That’s fine, but you are really missing out on one of life’s greatest pleasures.
To suggest that all adults were sex-crazed, drug-induced hippies from the 60′s, and we all think you teenagers are walking hormones is silly. I’m only about ten years older than you, and I didn’t give a crap about sex until I was almost 20. It just seems like you are being really defensive about this (and everything else you comment about on this site). If you are choosing to be abstinent, that’s great, but why complain about sex ed classes teaching about sex and preventing STD’s and pregnancy? What’s your beef? I went to a Catholic school, which taught us less than accurate information in our sex ed class and I resent that. Why? Because some of my classmates were doing it anyway, and they ended up doing some stupid things that could have been prevented if our teachers weren’t so worried about presenting information about family planning and abstinence. The rest of us who waited just lacked information when we did decide to have sex. Of course, many of us sought out the information from other sources, but some learned the hard way.
Also, FYI: Birth control pills do not mess up girls bodies, and condoms do not brake that often (unless they are not put on correctly, which I suspect is why they teach you how to put them on the first place). Again, I hate to go there, but you are young and a little naive. I understand now why you say the things you do on this blog. You have a lot to learn.
April 13th, 2006 at 11:57 am
I have to agree with Meredith, for the most part. But Brian, I think its fine that you are taking the approach that you are about sex, just don’t expect everyone to have the same belief about sex as you do. So in terms of strapping condoms on bananas, I can understand how that is silly and awekward to you, to have to do that in front of your peers, but trust me the first time you put one on yourself your nervous as hell and all that banana handling makes sense. Now regarding sex ed. Maybe you’re right, not all teenagers need to know that information, or at least not all of it. I’ve got no problem if a student or their parents want to practice abstinence only. Perhaps then you can opt out of the sex prevention part, but it never hurts anyone to see a diseased penis to know to practice either abstinence or prevention. I’ve used a lot of condoms and never had one break.
April 13th, 2006 at 1:32 pm
Yes sex is a necessity … so is the practice of safe sex ….
Brian, it’s pretty cool that you speak with passion against a passionate subject. Meredith is correct … you are young … your attitudes and beliefs will change (many times) so don’t worry about it. when you turn 22yo you will be shocked at how much us adults have learned in three short years because this is a period of your life where almost all knowledge springs from the self.
Meredith, explain to Brian why chocolate is also a necessity in life.
April 13th, 2006 at 3:43 pm
I can’t imagine Meredith, how awful it must have been for our ancestors who didn’t have all this “instruction”. The instruction given at “comprehensive” sex-ed classes clearly isn’t working given that STD’s are on the rise. Condoms and pills give a false sense of security, and no physical object can prevent the psychological and emotional damage having sex while young can cause. If telling the truth is being defensive because it doesn’t jive with the “sex is love” crowd, then I admit guilt to being defensive.
Why on earth would you be nervous your first time having sex, if you’ve built a relationship based on trust that shouldn’t be an issue. Of course I suppose if you’ve been indoctrinated on asking all sorts of side-issues like if your woman is on birth control or if you’ve got spare condoms lying around, or any of that other crap. Either you’re ready to accept responsibility or you aren’t, and you shouldn’t go through with it if you aren’t. Condoms are an inefficient and pointless barrier, I have no intent on using them because it is a farce. How can you unite with someone you love if you consistently carry a FEAR of their biological processes? You don’t make love by building walls between yourself and your partner, you make it by tearing them down.
Finally, I don’t wish to assume anything from your post Meredith, but it seems implied you had multiple partners and thus would be able to tell the difference. How do you know that it was their skill and not yours which was lacking. Maybe, according to their scale of “good sex”, you were a flop. “Good” is clearly a subjective judgement, since objective criteria would dictate that sex is a skill which can be learned. Things start awkward and get better, just like everything else in life.
April 13th, 2006 at 3:54 pm
Gotta call that an undeserved cheap shot.
Sex is the fire in the hearth of a relationship. A home is more than heat. A home without heat is not much to live in.
Nine comments and counting on the topic “Is sex necessary?” Christ Almighty, is there anything we won’t fight about?
April 13th, 2006 at 5:12 pm
Brian,
Again, it’s great that you have chosen abstinence, but you really seem to be arguing that no one should get any sex education because, according to you, it doesn’t work. I just think that’s a really bad idea. There are people on this planet who are different than you, and I think you should respect their choices, as much as they should respect yours.
I am assuming, since you have stated that you will never wear a condom, that you only intend to have sex for procreative purposes. If not, I would rethink that decision, unless you are either planning to have a huge family, or you are planning to not have sex very often. For those of us who do not wish to get pregnant everytime we have sex, being “ready” for sex means being responsible about making sure the woman is on birth control, or the man has some condoms lying around. Those things may seem “irresponsible” and nerve-racking to you, but I believe those are things that responsible adults consider, as well as getting tested for STD’s and making sure your partner has been tested before you sleep with him or her. You can unite with someone you love while being smart about these other issues. I hope that you consider these same precautions, or you may find yourself in a precarious situation in which you end up very bitter and disillusioned, at the very least.
As for your last paragraph . . . . Not very nice. You seem like a very angry young man. Maybe you would feel better if you got laid.
(Sorry, I really didn’t mean to offend, but I couldn’t resist!)
April 13th, 2006 at 8:57 pm
Chocolate, Meredith, the young man needs some chocolate therapy.
Really, brian, you should take three deep breaths, eat a hershey bar (or two) and find your sense of humor regarding sex. Then you will be able to gain some perspective. Keep talking … it will help.
Um, Meredith? How did you ever manage to save that line till the end of your post?
April 13th, 2006 at 9:47 pm
Brian, if this line ever convinces a woman to make’a the sex with you without a condom…marry her. She’s one in a million.
April 14th, 2006 at 6:02 am
Brian,
I never mentioned love or “Sex is Love”. Their two different things. Love does not preclude sex for everyone. I know the “Sex is only for Love” crowd or the “Sex is for mak’n Babies” crowd cringe when people say this, as if it were kick’n Jesus in the balls, but I have sex for fun. (Now is where you can cast your shadow of shame upon my Damned begotten soul) Tell the truth, what you do is your business, and what I do is mine. Congrats on keeping those temptations down, but I guarantee, no matter how in love, how secure, how preconceived, how sure, how safe, how married you are: The first time you have sex (assuming by the post you have not), regardless of the situation, you will be nervous. If your not, I’d have to say, I kinda pity you. Sex is a huge step in life. It’s a threshold that is anticipated for a very long time, and a (forgive my national geographic reduction to social norms) rite of passage into a completely different part of life. That’s whether you banged some girl at sixteen in the back of your rusty Ford Pinto, or waited till twenty five, had a secure job, bought a home and married another virgin from the local congregation. It’s not just the act that is intimidating its what the act implies that makes you nervous. If you don’t feel that, you’ve reduced sex to its root most basic purpose. (Great ready to slide off your high horse) And now that you’ve proven that it’s just for mak’n babies your more like the animals that we evolved from than the humans that we have become. See dogs have sex for procreation and the first time a dog has sex, he’s not nervous either, but he might just be humping my leg, too.
April 14th, 2006 at 6:03 am
Don’t worry Christians, I know in your book I’m going to hell, the thing is that I don’t read from your book.
April 14th, 2006 at 6:19 am
Oh, and please spare us the bit about how animals act on their urges and that’s why the dog is humping your leg, that part was meant to be funny. I don’t think sex for fun is acting on your urges, if so, I would not be married. But there is the ability to understand that sex is not only just for marriage and baby mak’n. There is the understanding that you can enjoy sex, and enjoy it responsibly and safely.
No animals were harmed in the creation of these posts.
April 14th, 2006 at 11:49 am
john,
LOL! I have never had sex while married or for the purpose of mak’n babies, so it’s ALL been for recreation. YEA SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 4th, 2006 at 11:18 am
Actually, I’m Christian and I’ve read the bible through and through, and many times it talks about sex and how there’s nothing wrong with having sex for fun (within marriage, of course). For example, Paul talks about it in Corinthians and very clearly states that if you can’t contain your sexual desires, then go ahead and get married. (Although he is NOT advocating marrying the next person you see just so you can get laid… that’s ridiculous)
He states again and again that sex is great, beautiful, and healthy, but that it’s something that is strong, can get out of hand, and needs to be contained by marriage.
Obviously, this issue is in debate, and I’d have to say, I 99% agree with what Brian is saying, except for the “pill messes up a woman’s body” part, and “not bothering to use a condom part”. If I wasn’t on the patch (which is like the pill), then my hubby would be using a condom, because I DON’T want kids right now because I’m only going into 3rd year University. So we’ll take precautions against it. But yes, Brian is right in that nothing is 100%. If God wants me to have a kid, then I’m going to, no matter what I do to stop it from happening. Heck, my mother-in-law had an IUD and she still had a kid. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking precautions to avoid children, BUT it can’t be EXPECTED that it won’t happen. If it happens to me, well then I’ll just have to adapt my life to it. Things change.
And the same thing goes for people who are having sex who aren’t ready for those kinds of committments. If someone’s not ready to have kids (I’m ready, but I’m just avoiding it… having a husband to help makes it possible to deal with it), then they shouldn’t be having sex. If someone doesn’t want to get STD’s, then they shouldn’t be having multiple partners. It’s that simple. If someone is will to “have fun”, as people call it, and sleep around, then you can’t expect NOT to get a disease. You can avoid it, but you can’t expect it. And if having multiple partners is so great that you’re willing to take that kind of risk, then that’s your own beef.
And as for sex being a skill that can be aquired, and 100% agree with Brian. My hubby was a virgin before me, and sex is DEFINATELY something that can get better. I know! How do you think people get good in the first place? BY HAVING SEX. You don’t have to have sex with many people to get good. You just have to have it lots. And he does with me :)
And unfortunately, I wasn’t a virgin before him. I’m not about to explain why, but it’s something that I personally regret. I really believe that it takes away from our intimacy because I have those past thought there that I cannot erase. Sex is a gift, and I was the one who ran downstairs early before I was supposed to and opened up my Christmas present. It kinda ruined the fun anyway.
As for teaching abstinence in classes, I believe that is EXTREMELY important. It’s good to tell them, the physical, emotional, and psychological dangers sex can pose when it’s under the wrong circumstances. BUT, I understand that not every teen is going to listen, and we should still teach them safER sex (there’s no such thing as totally safe sex), but be careful not to condone it.
It’s important to teach abstinence as well because at least it’s telling teens that there are other options. I’m only 20, was only in high school a couple of years ago, and most of my friends never even had a thought occur to them that there’s another option. “Well I’m human, I just have sex!”. Yes, that’s right, but nobody ever bothered to tell them that it’s better if it’s under the right circumstances (example: marriage).
May 4th, 2006 at 11:54 am
Actually, Sarah, I think you believe in much less than 99% of what Brian said. He said that Abstinence Only is the only way, and that if you have multiple partners you will get an STD. The only thing you two seem to agree on is that sex should wait till marriage.
March 13th, 2007 at 8:53 pm
…
March 13th, 2007 at 8:53 pm
um…. ok!