Help Is On the Way. :-P
By amba | Related entries in Discuss, GenderI’m in the midst of writing another book now, called The Broken American Male. It’s about how the family rut is primarily due to the fragmented nature of today’s manâ€â€?just how messed up men are today and how we can heal them.
~ Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, in Publishers Weekly.
Discuss.
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January 19th, 2007 at 7:43 pm
What about the fragmented nature of the modern woman, or the modern children. Do you think they might also be partly responsible for the family rut (whatever that means).
I have my faults for sure, but I’m far from broken. I work hard and sacrifice much to support my family - not out of obligation, but out of love.
Maybe you’re just confused by the way men and fathers are portrayed as clueless idiots on popular TV shows. That’s not even close to reality.
January 20th, 2007 at 11:24 am
Hey, it’s not me, it’s Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. I posted it because I was wondering how men would react to being called “broken.” I wouldn’t like it much if I was a guy.
January 20th, 2007 at 4:20 pm
I could be wrong, but the rabbi seems to suggest that we should adhere to traditional roles. But as our world changes, we change too. Different times call for different measures. Our relationships, the meaning of marriage, gender roles…everything gets modified to suit the situation. So nobody’s fragmented. In fact, men are no better or worse than they have been at any other time in history.
But there are more of us around, so it may seem like more people have problems. My guess, and it is just a guess, is that there’s always been 80% of the population that’s “fragmented” because life is always hard with the hand you’re dealt. It’s not necessarily difficult to figure things out, but we still keep making the same mistakes. Meanwhile, the other 20% have things under control and it’s fairly smooth sailing. Sure, they’ve still gotta work at it, but they’re comfortable with who they are and where they are. And I bet it has been that way throughout history too.
Could be wrong, but that’s my theory.
January 21st, 2007 at 4:12 pm
It doesn’t offend me really. I understand where he’s coming from. The man-children, who sire children and disavow all responsibility for same and use and discard women while complaining to no end about how abused they are by the women in their life, are far too common in our current scene. Of course men are not unique in being messed up.
To some extent things have gotten worse and to some extent we’re more honest today about how bad things are on the family front.
January 22nd, 2007 at 4:56 pm
I have read some Shmuley and have seen him on Oprah. He has a great message regarding relationships in the modern world. He points out that when men use fame, fortune and power to measure their success, they are setting themselves up for failure (and not to mention their priorities are messed up). They put all their effort into attaining these unrealistic goals (which most of them cannot ever meet), and as a result, they neglect their roles as husbands and fathers.
On Oprah, he said that if a man thinks he is a loser, that makes his wife a loser squared because she’s the sucker who agreed to put up with him. The wife gets stuck parenting for two, probably also working and running the house, and the kids are mad because their dad is checked out and their mom is a nag.
Not saying that a woman couldn’t be the same way, but by our nature we are more nurturing/caretaking types, and therefore, less likely to fall into this trap. I certainly know a lot of men who fit Shmuley’s description of the “broken” man.