Worst Christmas Song Ever

By Callimachus | Related entries in Kitchen Sink, Music

andywilliams

Jen(nifer) posts her three choices for all-time worst Christmas song.

I don’t have a three worst songs. I have one song that I’d nominate for all three position. “Happy Holidays/It’s the Holiday Season,” sung (and written?) by Andy Williams, the robotic ’60s easy listening singer with the eyes of a James Bond villain. He’s a passable crooner. It’s not Andy that’s the problem here; it’s these lyrics.

I must have forgotten this song, if I ever knew it. Because a couple of years ago someone in my office started singing it, and I said, “nuh-uh, that’s not a real song.” It couldn’t be. It’s just too terrible. No self-respecting lyricist would publish these words. Hell, you wouldn’t even hand them in for an eight-grade poetry writing assignment that you forgot about until homeroom.

It’s the holiday season, and Santa Claus is comin round,
the Chiristmas snow is white on the ground,
When old Santa gets into town,
he’ll be comin down the chimney down!
(he’ll be comin down the chimney down!)

“Comin’ down the chimney down”? What language is that? What, they couldn’t think of another word that rhymed with “-own,” so they said “down” twice in the same sentence, rendering the whole thing complete nonsense — and then repeated it for effect.

I mean, sure, a bad poet will reach for a lame word for the sake of a rhyme. But this second down has no other point, no other reason to exist, except to round out a line that ends in one of the commonest rhyme-sounds in English!

How lame is that?

It’s the holiday season,
so whoop-dee doo …

This was the line that made me go “nuh-uh.” That’s not lyrics. That’s the kind of thing a drunken karaoke lout blurts out when he can’t remember what the real lyrics are.

… and dickory-dock, …

::rolls eyes:: Mr. Karaoke hasn’t got the lyrical thread back yet. More nonsense words. Come on, snap out of it!

… and don’t forget to hang up your sock, …

::sound of needle dragging across grooved vinyl:: OK, hold it right there. Right there. This is not a song. I don’t know what it is, some sort of ADHD rant by a kid who just ate his entire stocking full of candy by 9 a.m. on Christmas.

Hang up your “sock,” for crissakes? That’s not even a viable synonym for “stocking” in the Christmas sense, and the whole reason it’s in there is to rhyme with a nonsense word (dickory-dock) that has nothing to do with Christmas or this song either.

And of course, the verse ends — again — with

cause just exactly at 12′o’clock,
he’ll be comin down the chimney down,
he’ll be comin down the chimney down

Every time I hear this musical assault on the holidays I want to do something violent to someone who had a hand in producing it. But none of them is ever around. So if you see a big long-haired trollish-looking man walking around wearing a radio on one foot, you’ll know what happened.


This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 7th, 2005 and is filed under Kitchen Sink, Music. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

36 Responses to “Worst Christmas Song Ever”

  1. probligo Says:

    You have my heart-felt sympathy.

    The one that I want to deliver to total non-existance is not a song, but an advertisement for a local tyre shop chain.

    They use “Walking in a winter wonderland” or whatever [spew]!

  2. BrianOfAtlanta Says:

    And I thought I was persecuted by having to listen to endless renditions of “The Little Drummer Boy”, otherwise known as the Christmas carol from Hell.

    After reading this, I realize that I’m fortunate to not have a clue about this song that you’re describing. You have my condolences, Cal.

    I fired up Manheim Steamroller last night for the first time this season. Now, that got me into the spirit!

  3. Bsd Says:

    Good job.

  4. Jeff Says:

    Great post. They have been playing this abortion of a song on the radio a lot this year. I don’t know why it’s suddenly come out of retirement, but I too was shocked because I had a memory of the tune, but I assumed it was some nonsense I had made up as a toddler. Andy Williams should be dug up and shot.

  5. Jack Says:

    This song doesn’t bother me as much as it does you. However, once heard, it tends to get stuck in my head, which is a bother.

    What I would like to know is when ‘My Favorite Things’ (a song from ‘The Sound of Music’) became a Christmas Song. Christmas is not even in the movie!

  6. Randy Says:

    Wow, people get a life.
    I think it’s a welcome change to an otherwise assortment of tiresome tunes that I’ve listened to year after year since infancy. I think it’s funny, and a little catchy at that. It’s supposed to be a fun song, he wasn’t going for an award in writing it. Relax. Chill. It’s comedy folks.

  7. Danny Says:

    I agree with Randy, Until today I didn’t know who sang it, and thought that it had a Sinata sound to it; okay maybe someone on SNL doing Sinatra. I doubt it would have this much negativity if Sinatra had actually sang it. You all should listent to “Donde esta Santa Clause” or “Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey” for a change of pace and a chuckle in this time of year when people seem to need it. Hanging my Sock in California. :-)

  8. Blue_Seraph Says:

    You sound like the kind of people that can truely appreciate the lyrical genious of Andy Williams. Hope Santa brings a big fat sack for all of ya.

    Happy Holiday
    Happy Holiday
    While the merry bells keep ringing
    May your every wish come true

    Happy Holiday
    Happy Holiday
    May the calendar keep bringing
    Happy Holidays to you

    It’s the holiday season
    And Santa Claus is coming back
    The Christmas snow is white on the ground
    When old Santa gets into town
    He’ll be coming down the chimney, down
    Coming down the chimney, down

    It’s the holiday season
    And Santa Claus has got a toy
    For every good girl and good little boy
    He’s a great big bundle of joy
    He’ll be coming down the chimney, down
    Coming down the chimney, down

    He’ll have a big fat pack upon his back
    And lots of goodies for you and me
    So leave a peppermint stick for old St. Nick
    Hanging on the Christmas tree

    It’s the holiday season
    With the whoop-de-do and hickory dock
    And don’t forget to hang up your sock
    “Cause just exactly at 12 o’clock
    He’ll be coming down the chimney
    Coming down the chimney
    Coming down the chimney, down!

    Happy Holiday
    Happy Holiday
    While the merry bells keep bringing
    Happy Holidays to you

    Happy Holiday
    Happy Holiday
    May the calendar keep bringing
    Happy Holidays to you
    To you
    Happy Holiday

  9. Linda Says:

    I love this song! It’s so much fun in a weird way. It kinda grows on you. Not your traditional boring song but a fun throwback to those crooner years of music where they tried to make things sound jazzier, hence “hang up your sock.” I don’t have a real argument here. If you hate it, you hate it. But, give it a chance and you’ll be humming it, too.

  10. jay scott bacchus Says:

    I agree that it’s an idiot song and it’s likely Mr. Williams was badgered into doing it by a producer that needed to fill an l.p. But this doesn’t put it into a special “wasted category”. There have been innumerable stupid songs, especially from the 60′s era, that were huge hits and are loved today.

    Louie, Louie/Kingsmen is a monster oldie (literally and figuratively). What do it’s lyrics mean? What ARE it’s lyrics?

    So we should go easy on Andy Williams and this song. It does no harm. And I think the instrumental backing is quite nice! Hey, what year and which l.p. is this from? Were these studio musicians hired by his label to back him?

  11. Kevin S Says:

    Although most the comments were from last year, there is one from this year, so I will add my 82 cents.

    This is a bad Christmas song. A very bad Christmas song, but it’s not the worst. “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney is. Although the lyrics aren’t quite as insipid as “down the chimney, down,” the music is 436 times worse. As for the people that said they like it because its different, what a ridiculous argument. Being poked in the eye is a change of pace, but that doesn’t mean it’s enjoyable. There are plenty of holiday songs available to keep the variety and not play this garbage. Besides, the station that plays X-mas songs here plays both of these gems every 2 hours so that point is moot anyway.

  12. Rich Says:

    Of course it’s a terrible song — but what a great recording! Andy Williams sends this thing up beautifully. He knows it’s bad, and he oversells it to make sure you know he’s in on the joke. Not unlike Johnny Mathis going over the top with It’s A Marshmallow World in the Winter. I’d rather listen to this any day than Dean Martin wrecking Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Perry Como’s producer dissing Frosty the Snowman or I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, or Frank Sinatra sleepwalking through too much of his Reprise Christmas catalogue. And Williams may have plenty of deficiencies, but this is dross turned into gold.

  13. Steve M Says:

    I love that song! Wait, before you start grabbing the pitch-forks, let me clarify…

    I do think that song is painfully stupid but it’s also High-freakin-larious! Everytime I hear it at Christmas, it puts me in a good mood. How can you not laugh at these lyrics:

    “It’s the holiday season, so hoop-dee-doo and hickory-doc
    don’t forget to hang up your sock..”

    It’s schlock, but funny schlock.

  14. Kim Says:

    I actually found your blog while doing a search trying to find who sings this song! I heard it for the first time this year and I absolutely LOVE it!!! It is my new FAVORITE song! Its fun! And isn’t a huge part of Christmas FUN and remembering what its like to be a child? This song fits that to a T! To me someone who will rant and rave over how stupid they think a Christmas song is would also be someone who gets all bent out of shape because their local toys r us doens’t have the Wii or whatever other toy is almost impossible to find. The type of person who will get into a fist fight with the lucky guy in front of him that got the last of whatever you stupidly stood in line for 10 hours for! Now THAT is what is stupid! Relax, enjoy the holidays, and have some FUN! God bless you and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

  15. Kevin S Says:

    Christmas spirit indeed Kim. You are wrong, I would do neither of the things you accuse me of.

  16. David Says:

    Oh by Gosh by Golly, It’s Time for Mistletoe and Holly!
    Tasty Pheasants, Lots of Preasants and relatives you don’t know.

    Yup, it’s Frank Sinatra and wins worst Christmas song, hands down.

  17. nymphomercial Says:

    ‘The Christmas Shoes’ is the worst…song…ever. You MUST hear this parody called ‘The Christmas Thong’:
    http://thefump.com/fump.php?id=1120

  18. Tim Says:

    “Snow” by Rosemary Clooney is by far, hands down, not only the worst Christmas song but quite possibly the overall worst song ever. Makes my ears bleed.

  19. toni Says:

    It’s a kookie Christmas song, Kookie

  20. ricbob Says:

    My three worst

    1 Christmas Shoes ( a horrible, horrible thing. I just hate this piece of crap)
    2 Wonderful Christmastime (Paul McCartney can write a bad song after all)
    3 Happy Holidays by Andy. I actually found this thread because I googled the lyrics. I couldn’t believe he was actually saying “down” both times, or perhaps I was missing some deeper meaning.

    Runner-up: Anything by James Taylor. Every song of his sounds exactly the same, and he steps up that boring sameness for holiday music.

  21. judy Says:

    At last, I found someone who shares my annual violent disdain for this song, particularly the lyrics. I guess Andy Wiliiams was not the only watered-down Sinatra clone in the 50s and 60s. But COME ON:

    Whoop-de-do, and dickory dock.

    What is that? The squarest ‘scat’ ever? I most say the karaoke theory of the original essay is compelling. And I can find no evidence of the alternate theory that this cheeseball rendition is *so* over-the-top that it indicates that Mr Williams was in on the joke. Nope. There is no self-awareness in this musical pile.

  22. Ed Says:

    Let’s kick off this year’s “Holiday Season” comments!

    Bear in mind that this was originally written/recorded in the early 1960s. We’ve
    already heard this on the radio.

    The album on which this appeared (following band 1′s “White Christmas”) was evenly split between “sacred” and “secular”, too.

    Only 69¢ on “Hamasong” (ahem). Ha! Can’t we just upload a sock??

  23. Sam Says:

    I can’t resist commenting on this thread, especially since it is surviving several years………whoa!!

    I work in a store where this song is played numerous times a day on the Muzak. Eventually you just start humming it, it does stick in your head…I am a fan of Jazz, so don’t mind the song myself, but I have been trying for a couple of days to justify the term “chimney down” by finding a real definition for it. Alas, my efforts have been in vain. So just chaulk it up to Jazz and let it go I guess. Outside of this inanity, snot a bad song.

  24. kris wolf Says:

    How funny and somewhat cynical. I just said out loud in the office it was one of my favorite songs and I love Andy Williams and yes I am only 40 but had to LOL when I googled the lyrics and this thread came up. Too each is own and everyone is entiled to the opinions.

    Merry Christmas and try to enjoy the songs you love and the people you love and who love you. Especially now!! Happy New Year as well. Whoop-dee-doo

  25. Todd Hansell Says:

    HAHAHAHAHA… I’ve heard this song since i was a kid and I guess always assumed it was “commin’ donw the chimney now”… which makes sense to me…. even in a “cool” jazz way… but then a couple of weeks ago I heard it on Bee 101… I couldnt believe it… well I started to rant about it to the family…. particularly the 7 year old who giggles uncontrollably and teases me into further ranting about buy singing the words to the song…. we have a good laugh about it… the 11 year old and the somwhat older wife (smiles) both thought the words were Chimney NOW also… well I’m sending the URL to her so she can see everyone elses ranting also….

    As for Little Drummer Boy…. there is only one I love to listen too…. yeah…. the David Bowie/Bing Crosby Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy… I love that song…. and as for my favorite… Walking in the Air…. the song from The Snowman.

    Peace Out and Happy Holidays!

  26. Joe Says:

    man this is a funny song! so what if the lyrics are weird? i think it’s meant to be a funny song

    “comin’ down the chimney down” lol and how many people say “whoop de doo” and make it sound more jolly? and his rhymes are enjoyable too!

  27. Phil Says:

    Hahaha. This might be the most cheerful Christmas song ever and not meant to be anything more than silly and fun.

    Sure beats THE 12 FREAKIN’ DAYS of CHRISTMAS, or worse, Little Drummer Boy (except as recorded by Marlene Dietrich).

    Or worse, anything that woefully agonizes about Iz-rye-el.

  28. Douggy Says:

    “Whoop de do and dickory dock…”

    This lyric reminds me of “Irving Cohn,” the character Billy Crystal created for SNL. I think he was supposed to be the world’s oldest songwriter or something. He’d always quote his own tin-pan-alley lyrics and end them with… “doo doo doo, da, da, da, and whatever da hell else ya wanna throw in…”

  29. Douggy Says:

    Oops, it wasn’t Billy Crystal, it was Martin Short who played Irving Cohen! (Hard to tell with all the makeup!)

  30. steve Says:

    i just saw the video for this, it’s the gayest thing i’ve ever seen.
    i submit this to be the gayest song ever, hands down(chimney down)

  31. Moon Glow Says:

    The original poster is an unmitigated butthead. Anyone who bases their hatred for a song on a few non-sensical lyrics should be exiled. Have you listened to any music in the past 60 years? It’s all filled with non-sensical lyrics. Andy Williams has infinitely more musical ability and acumen than you do. Do us all a favor and shut it. I’m sure your friends are VERY fond of your insightful rants, while you’re spouting off about an unintelligible lyric from a Elvis Presley song they’re pointing an imaginary pistol to their temple wishing they had the means to make it all stop. See your doctor and have him up your dosage of meds.

  32. Rochelle Says:

    I guess I’m kicking off the 2011 round of comments…yet another one who wound up Googling this because I couldn’t believe he was really saying “coming down the chimney down,” surely he was saying something like “coming down the chimney now,” but dang it sounds like “coming down the chimney down.” And what the bleep, it is. I’m kind of caught in the middle with my feelings on this song – I like the upbeat, happy tone (wholeheartedly agree with the other haters of “Christmas Shoes”), I don’t mind the nonsense lyrics, but if you’re going to write a sentence in English, write a sentence in English! That last “down” just loses me.

    Also have to agree with other folks that although this song is apparently ancient, meaning more-or-less as old as I am, I swear I hadn’t heard it until a few years ago. I thought it was maybe Harry Connick Jr. or something and was kind of mindblown to find out it had been around for decades.

  33. Steve A Says:

    I just wanted to be a part of this epic thread.

  34. Jeff Warren Says:

    The song Happy Holidays/Holiday Season used to really bother me too. But then someone pointed out to me that the inside of the chimney used to be called the chimney’s down. So the second down is a noun! Now I really like the song because it makes sense! Santa will be coming down the inside of your chimney, or the chimney’s down.

  35. Jadie Says:

    Oh thank you! I hate this song so much when it comes on I snap the dial off so fast sparks burn my fingertips. The whoop de doo dickory dock crap is a big joke in my family because we hate it so much. We torment each other with it! You 100% right on!

  36. Joe Roth Says:

    I love this person. I had one reason for even searching this song online and it’s because I puked in my own mouth this morning when I heard it for the 147th time since Halloween this year and just could not get over how RIDICULOUS it is.

    I agree with everything that you say. And I feel badly, because I think that he just died. I actually thought that it could have been Sinatra until I checked today and I was ready to burn all of my “Old Blue Eyes” LP’s and am SO GLAD that I don’t feel that need anymore.

    Just shear nonsense. I too couldnt believe that he’s saying “He’ll be coming down the chimney, down.” I also was blown away that they throw “dickery dock” from a Mother Goose rhyme in there to go along with sock and clock and until you pointed it out, I didnt realize that sock is quite different than a stocking.

    Nevertheless, had the only flaw been using the word sock I would have been alright. It could have been hip. It could have been a modern way of addressing a stocking, but with all the other literary nonsense rolled into this thing you cannot give credit where credit sure as heck isnt due.

    Thank you for allowing me to not feel like such a scrooge by detesting this song with such passion. I really felt like a jerk off when everybody else at Starbucks was smiling and feeling “in the spirit” today while I pursed my lips and swallowed. Just kidding…I didnt really vomit in my mouth but I sure came close. And I hate most Christmas songs. So if you want to carry this forward I’d be happy to. But this one I have learned over the years is the worst. I’ve gotta believe that just because Mr. Williams sounds some damn chipper that people ignore the garbage spewing from his mouth and just call it “A Christmas Classic”. But it’s not people. It’s proof that if you say something with a smile most people will smile back. Maybe he should have gone into politics.

    Much love everybody. Happy Holidays. And don’t forget to hang up your sock!!

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