Worst Christmas Song Ever
By Callimachus | Related entries in Kitchen Sink, Music
Jen(nifer) posts her three choices for all-time worst Christmas song.
I don’t have a three worst songs. I have one song that I’d nominate for all three position. “Happy Holidays/It’s the Holiday Season,” sung (and written?) by Andy Williams, the robotic ’60s easy listening singer with the eyes of a James Bond villain. He’s a passable crooner. It’s not Andy that’s the problem here; it’s these lyrics.
I must have forgotten this song, if I ever knew it. Because a couple of years ago someone in my office started singing it, and I said, “nuh-uh, that’s not a real song.” It couldn’t be. It’s just too terrible. No self-respecting lyricist would publish these words. Hell, you wouldn’t even hand them in for an eight-grade poetry writing assignment that you forgot about until homeroom.
It’s the holiday season, and Santa Claus is comin round,
the Chiristmas snow is white on the ground,
When old Santa gets into town,
he’ll be comin down the chimney down!
(he’ll be comin down the chimney down!)
“Comin’ down the chimney down”? What language is that? What, they couldn’t think of another word that rhymed with “-own,” so they said “down” twice in the same sentence, rendering the whole thing complete nonsense — and then repeated it for effect.
I mean, sure, a bad poet will reach for a lame word for the sake of a rhyme. But this second down has no other point, no other reason to exist, except to round out a line that ends in one of the commonest rhyme-sounds in English!
How lame is that?
It’s the holiday season,
so whoop-dee doo …
This was the line that made me go “nuh-uh.” That’s not lyrics. That’s the kind of thing a drunken karaoke lout blurts out when he can’t remember what the real lyrics are.
… and dickory-dock, …
::rolls eyes:: Mr. Karaoke hasn’t got the lyrical thread back yet. More nonsense words. Come on, snap out of it!
… and don’t forget to hang up your sock, …
::sound of needle dragging across grooved vinyl:: OK, hold it right there. Right there. This is not a song. I don’t know what it is, some sort of ADHD rant by a kid who just ate his entire stocking full of candy by 9 a.m. on Christmas.
Hang up your “sock,” for crissakes? That’s not even a viable synonym for “stocking” in the Christmas sense, and the whole reason it’s in there is to rhyme with a nonsense word (dickory-dock) that has nothing to do with Christmas or this song either.
And of course, the verse ends — again — with
cause just exactly at 12′o’clock,
he’ll be comin down the chimney down,
he’ll be comin down the chimney down
Every time I hear this musical assault on the holidays I want to do something violent to someone who had a hand in producing it. But none of them is ever around. So if you see a big long-haired trollish-looking man walking around wearing a radio on one foot, you’ll know what happened.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 7th, 2005 and is filed under Kitchen Sink, Music. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
December 7th, 2005 at 5:53 pm
You have my heart-felt sympathy.
The one that I want to deliver to total non-existance is not a song, but an advertisement for a local tyre shop chain.
They use “Walking in a winter wonderland” or whatever [spew]!
December 8th, 2005 at 11:13 am
And I thought I was persecuted by having to listen to endless renditions of “The Little Drummer Boy”, otherwise known as the Christmas carol from Hell.
After reading this, I realize that I’m fortunate to not have a clue about this song that you’re describing. You have my condolences, Cal.
I fired up Manheim Steamroller last night for the first time this season. Now, that got me into the spirit!
August 8th, 2006 at 1:00 am
Good job.
November 29th, 2006 at 12:04 am
Great post. They have been playing this abortion of a song on the radio a lot this year. I don’t know why it’s suddenly come out of retirement, but I too was shocked because I had a memory of the tune, but I assumed it was some nonsense I had made up as a toddler. Andy Williams should be dug up and shot.
December 9th, 2006 at 5:48 pm
This song doesn’t bother me as much as it does you. However, once heard, it tends to get stuck in my head, which is a bother.
What I would like to know is when ‘My Favorite Things’ (a song from ‘The Sound of Music’) became a Christmas Song. Christmas is not even in the movie!
December 13th, 2006 at 10:56 pm
Wow, people get a life.
I think it’s a welcome change to an otherwise assortment of tiresome tunes that I’ve listened to year after year since infancy. I think it’s funny, and a little catchy at that. It’s supposed to be a fun song, he wasn’t going for an award in writing it. Relax. Chill. It’s comedy folks.
December 16th, 2006 at 12:44 pm
I agree with Randy, Until today I didn’t know who sang it, and thought that it had a Sinata sound to it; okay maybe someone on SNL doing Sinatra. I doubt it would have this much negativity if Sinatra had actually sang it. You all should listent to “Donde esta Santa Clause” or “Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey” for a change of pace and a chuckle in this time of year when people seem to need it. Hanging my Sock in California. :-)
December 20th, 2006 at 3:54 am
You sound like the kind of people that can truely appreciate the lyrical genious of Andy Williams. Hope Santa brings a big fat sack for all of ya.
Happy Holiday
Happy Holiday
While the merry bells keep ringing
May your every wish come true
Happy Holiday
Happy Holiday
May the calendar keep bringing
Happy Holidays to you
It’s the holiday season
And Santa Claus is coming back
The Christmas snow is white on the ground
When old Santa gets into town
He’ll be coming down the chimney, down
Coming down the chimney, down
It’s the holiday season
And Santa Claus has got a toy
For every good girl and good little boy
He’s a great big bundle of joy
He’ll be coming down the chimney, down
Coming down the chimney, down
He’ll have a big fat pack upon his back
And lots of goodies for you and me
So leave a peppermint stick for old St. Nick
Hanging on the Christmas tree
It’s the holiday season
With the whoop-de-do and hickory dock
And don’t forget to hang up your sock
“Cause just exactly at 12 o’clock
He’ll be coming down the chimney
Coming down the chimney
Coming down the chimney, down!
Happy Holiday
Happy Holiday
While the merry bells keep bringing
Happy Holidays to you
Happy Holiday
Happy Holiday
May the calendar keep bringing
Happy Holidays to you
To you
Happy Holiday
December 25th, 2006 at 12:53 pm
I love this song! It’s so much fun in a weird way. It kinda grows on you. Not your traditional boring song but a fun throwback to those crooner years of music where they tried to make things sound jazzier, hence “hang up your sock.” I don’t have a real argument here. If you hate it, you hate it. But, give it a chance and you’ll be humming it, too.
December 28th, 2006 at 4:35 pm
Excellant insight look forward to reading more very soon!
November 30th, 2007 at 8:31 am
I agree that it’s an idiot song and it’s likely Mr. Williams was badgered into doing it by a producer that needed to fill an l.p. But this doesn’t put it into a special “wasted category”. There have been innumerable stupid songs, especially from the 60’s era, that were huge hits and are loved today.
Louie, Louie/Kingsmen is a monster oldie (literally and figuratively). What do it’s lyrics mean? What ARE it’s lyrics?
So we should go easy on Andy Williams and this song. It does no harm. And I think the instrumental backing is quite nice! Hey, what year and which l.p. is this from? Were these studio musicians hired by his label to back him?
November 30th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
Although most the comments were from last year, there is one from this year, so I will add my 82 cents.
This is a bad Christmas song. A very bad Christmas song, but it’s not the worst. “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney is. Although the lyrics aren’t quite as insipid as “down the chimney, down,” the music is 436 times worse. As for the people that said they like it because its different, what a ridiculous argument. Being poked in the eye is a change of pace, but that doesn’t mean it’s enjoyable. There are plenty of holiday songs available to keep the variety and not play this garbage. Besides, the station that plays X-mas songs here plays both of these gems every 2 hours so that point is moot anyway.
December 12th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Of course it’s a terrible song — but what a great recording! Andy Williams sends this thing up beautifully. He knows it’s bad, and he oversells it to make sure you know he’s in on the joke. Not unlike Johnny Mathis going over the top with It’s A Marshmallow World in the Winter. I’d rather listen to this any day than Dean Martin wrecking Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Perry Como’s producer dissing Frosty the Snowman or I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, or Frank Sinatra sleepwalking through too much of his Reprise Christmas catalogue. And Williams may have plenty of deficiencies, but this is dross turned into gold.
December 12th, 2007 at 9:13 pm
I love that song! Wait, before you start grabbing the pitch-forks, let me clarify…
I do think that song is painfully stupid but it’s also High-freakin-larious! Everytime I hear it at Christmas, it puts me in a good mood. How can you not laugh at these lyrics:
“It’s the holiday season, so hoop-dee-doo and hickory-doc
don’t forget to hang up your sock..”
It’s schlock, but funny schlock.
December 15th, 2007 at 7:28 pm
I actually found your blog while doing a search trying to find who sings this song! I heard it for the first time this year and I absolutely LOVE it!!! It is my new FAVORITE song! Its fun! And isn’t a huge part of Christmas FUN and remembering what its like to be a child? This song fits that to a T! To me someone who will rant and rave over how stupid they think a Christmas song is would also be someone who gets all bent out of shape because their local toys r us doens’t have the Wii or whatever other toy is almost impossible to find. The type of person who will get into a fist fight with the lucky guy in front of him that got the last of whatever you stupidly stood in line for 10 hours for! Now THAT is what is stupid! Relax, enjoy the holidays, and have some FUN! God bless you and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!
January 2nd, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Christmas spirit indeed Kim. You are wrong, I would do neither of the things you accuse me of.
January 3rd, 2008 at 6:13 am
Oh by Gosh by Golly, It’s Time for Mistletoe and Holly!
Tasty Pheasants, Lots of Preasants and relatives you don’t know.
Yup, it’s Frank Sinatra and wins worst Christmas song, hands down.
December 6th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
‘The Christmas Shoes’ is the worst…song…ever. You MUST hear this parody called ‘The Christmas Thong’:
http://thefump.com/fump.php?id=1120
December 12th, 2008 at 8:29 am
“Snow” by Rosemary Clooney is by far, hands down, not only the worst Christmas song but quite possibly the overall worst song ever. Makes my ears bleed.
December 21st, 2008 at 3:25 pm
It’s a kookie Christmas song, Kookie
December 21st, 2008 at 8:09 pm
My three worst
1 Christmas Shoes ( a horrible, horrible thing. I just hate this piece of crap)
2 Wonderful Christmastime (Paul McCartney can write a bad song after all)
3 Happy Holidays by Andy. I actually found this thread because I googled the lyrics. I couldn’t believe he was actually saying “down” both times, or perhaps I was missing some deeper meaning.
Runner-up: Anything by James Taylor. Every song of his sounds exactly the same, and he steps up that boring sameness for holiday music.
December 23rd, 2008 at 8:26 pm
At last, I found someone who shares my annual violent disdain for this song, particularly the lyrics. I guess Andy Wiliiams was not the only watered-down Sinatra clone in the 50s and 60s. But COME ON:
Whoop-de-do, and dickory dock.
What is that? The squarest ’scat’ ever? I most say the karaoke theory of the original essay is compelling. And I can find no evidence of the alternate theory that this cheeseball rendition is *so* over-the-top that it indicates that Mr Williams was in on the joke. Nope. There is no self-awareness in this musical pile.