I’m Moving To North Korea

By Justin Gardner | Related entries in Blogging, Breaking News, The World

I know, I know…you think this is some sort of lame April fool’s prank.

Well, it’s not. This is 100% real.

It all started last week when I received this rather cryptic email:

—–Original Message—–
From: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, March 24, 2007 10:52 PM
To: Justin Gardner
Subject: Interested In A Career Change?

Justin,

What would it take for you to quit your job and redesign an entire country?

Name your price,
Kim

Needless to say, I was a bit puzzled so I followed up and traded emails with this mysterious “Kim.”

Finally I got a phone number and soon enough I was chatting with Kim Jong-Il himself. And let me just say right now, contrary to popular belief, Kim is quite the cut up. Seriously folks, this is one VERY funny dude. We chewed the fat for hours about movies, television, music, fashion, needlepoint, interior design, stray nukes and…of course…what the hell is going on with Britney Spears.

Anyway, Kim acknowledges that North Korea’s image isn’t all that hot right now, and they need a serious revamp if they have any hopes of attracting business and tourism to the country in the coming years.

Long story short, I was offered the position as Awesomely Supreme Minister of All Things Cultural To Benefit of North Korea. Yeah, the title is a little clunky, but the hope is that in less than a decade we can transform North Korea into the #1 tourist destination in the entire world for cats.

Think I’m crazy? Well, stranger things have happened.

So how do you turn an entire country from a “boring, unhip totalitarian nightmare” (Kim’s words, not mine) into an international hotspot for felines of all stripes? First thing up, Kim and I agreed that the name North Korea had too much baggage. It also didn’t really speak to the cat lover demographic we were targeting.

Yes, time to rename North Korea.

We went back and forth about this. Kim was very attached to “North Pussy” but I convinced him that he’d get a whole different type of crowd with that one. I also tried to convince him that “North” is too “civil war,” but he held firm. Old habits die hard I guess.

So after a few hours we finally decided on a name that we think fits perfectly: North Adorable.

And this is going to be our new flag:

Pretty damn adorable flag, no?

So after hearing the new name and seeing the new flag, what cat lover could resist sending their pets to visit North Adorable?

And seriously, if South Korea changes its name to South Adorable, we’ll take them to World Court so fast it’ll make their head spin. Do not screw with us South Korea!

So what does this mean for Donklephant? Well, there will be some downtime because I’ll be moving this entire month, but I will continue to blog as I always have…only now it will be mostly about cats.

I look forward to being your enemy for a while, but ultimately your first choice for all your feline’s vacation plans.

Love live North Adorable!


This entry was posted on Sunday, April 1st, 2007 and is filed under Blogging, Breaking News, The World. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

11 Responses to “I’m Moving To North Korea”

  1. I’m Moving To North Korea | The Moderate Voice Says:

    [...] Find out more. [...]

  2. probligo Says:

    Yeah, great!!!

    Actually NZ said farewell this past three weeks to some 30,000 plus North Korean tourists who have been in the country since mid-October. They don’t spend much, nothing in fact but just hang around the beaches scoffing all of our kaimoana.

    Give them three weeks and they will all be moving out of NK again for the verdant fields of Alaska and Siberia and four months of frantic breeding…

  3. Justin Gardner Says:

    probligo, that didn’t make any sense to me at all, but it still made me smile.

  4. Joshua Says:

    What is that creature Kim’s riding in the painting at the top, a horse, or a tauntaun?

  5. probligo Says:

    The tourists are bar-tailed godwits. They come every year… from NK. Non-stop. And then they fly back again – probably with vast quantities of intelligence for Dr Kim.

    Interesting thing that was discovered only in the past five or ten or so years. These birds use their guts (stomach and intestines) as fuel (which also saves weight) and arrive literally as “gutless wonders”.

  6. Justin Gardner Says:

    What is that creature Kim’s riding in the painting at the top, a horse, or a tauntaun?

    I’d like to think that NK has that sense of humor…but something tells me that’s not the case.

    The tourists are bar-tailed godwits. They come every year… from NK. Non-stop. And then they fly back again – probably with vast quantities of intelligence for Dr Kim.

    Wait, I didn’t think they were allowed to leave the country except to visit family in SK. When did this change?

  7. probligo Says:

    “Wait, I didn’t think they were allowed to leave the country except to visit family in SK.”

    Ah-Ha!!! Now that really would be telling, hmm?

    Get the long beak on a godwit? Ever looked at a P3 or other sub-hunter? They keep theirs at the back. Godwits have their magnetic variance detectors etc at the front! Quick change in NK on the way through and they replace it with oil probes. How much of your Prudhoe production has disappeared? Guess where to? Yep, NK!! Flown in free!

    :D

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  9. Gershwin Gabriel Says:

    I would move and take my family to North Korea. The price would be; being remembered as one of the first North American to help in the restructuring of a Nation. I think this is worth more than all the money in the world.

  10. Marion Peterson Says:

    LOL

    Very clever. Right down to the detail of Kim’s e-mail address.

    Keep the humor coming!

  11. dana Says:

    Hahahaha, heck, you guys nailed it. North Korea is a communist country, right?

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