From Intelligent Design To Intelligent Falling…
By Justin Gardner | Related entries in Comedy, ReligionOh, how I love The Onion…
KANSAS CITY, KSâ€â€?As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held “theory of gravity” is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.“Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, ‘God’ if you will, is pushing them down,” said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.
Burdett added: “Gravityâ€â€?which is taught to our children as a lawâ€â€?is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, ‘I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.’ Of course, he is alluding to a higher power.”
Brilliant!
This entry was posted on Thursday, August 18th, 2005 and is filed under Comedy, Religion. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
August 19th, 2005 at 1:17 am
JG>Brilliant!
The guys a fruit cake.
August 19th, 2005 at 1:19 pm
weltanschauung: Have you ever read The Onion?
September 2nd, 2006 at 9:51 pm
If Gravity is God or vice versa, then he truely has no mercy.
September 3rd, 2006 at 6:57 am
Dear Mr. Gardner,
My name is Frank Cavalli, author of the story, “Before the Beginning Began�.
As I look at the world around me I see a generation of children that are being deceived, confused and influenced by the craftiness of the enemies of the faithful. Gradually, we have seen God taken out of our schools, Christ taken out of Christmas, the Ten Commandments removed from our Courts and now the evidence of “In God We Trust� becoming an issue on the face of our money. Even though the media elite are in the minority they have the unlimited resources of the power of communication to influence public opinion.
The following example is one result of that influence. After I had read my story at a book signing I asked a child, “How did you like the story?� He said, “I like it. It gives God a good reputation.� At first I laughed but then I asked, ‘Why do you say that?� He said, “Because people think that God must have done something wrong because you’re not allowed to talk about Him in school!� That is not funny. That is very sad.
God chose to put the message in “Before the Beginning Began� on my heart and guided my hands and will to make this book a reality. Within it is a poetic vision, a seed that will be planted in the hearts of its young readers. Then with unwavering faith, they will pursue that vision throughout their lives as great defenders of their faith, understanding their gracious status as children of a loving and all powerful Father.
“Before the Beginning Began� is a story that will help us increase our children’s desire to know more about God. It will provide a rare opportunity for discovery and intimacy with God in a way that has never been told before.
It was once said, “What you will have in your life tomorrow will be determined by what is in your heart today.� Now my mission is to put this anointed message in the hands of those willing to bring it into the hearts of the children of this generation all over the world. Our children need our help. Please help spread the message about this story of what it is “like� to be a child of God.
Sincerely,
Frank Cavalli
http://www.FrankCavalli.com
September 3rd, 2006 at 9:13 am
Well, Frank certainly has a high opinion of his own story- sorry, God’s story, as told to Frank Cavalli. What I’ve never understood is this: if God is omnipotent, why does he always need a ghost writer?
September 3rd, 2006 at 7:02 pm
[...] From Intelligent Design To Intelligent Falling… KANSAS CITY, KS�As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held “theory of gravity� is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling. [...]
September 5th, 2006 at 8:24 am
Yes, it all makes so much sense. I was pushing my own theory called “The Unified Theory of Reverse Air Pressure” aka “The Earth just Sucks!” but I can easily see the ramifications of Intelligent Falling. Of course if schools refuse to teach this new and amazing theory we can always get them to teach the controversy this theory must be causing in the scientific community.
March 24th, 2009 at 11:41 am
Scientists, being human, make the mistake of believing they can find truth in science. Science gives us only today’s truth, that is, theory. Tomorrow, our God-given senses and the tools they manufacture will give us new observations to account for and hence a new theories. God has given us the power to work on understanding the mechanisms of Creation, but only faith reveals the origin of Creation.
March 24th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
I have faith that God is a wombat, and that we are all destined to follow the ways of the wombat to eternal glory. My proof? Bah, I need no proof. I KNOW that God is a wombat, I just KNOW IT. I was just staring out my window mentally undressing the women who passed by and I heard this voice, and it said to me: ‘G’dday, my son. Kraikee, what are you doin’ by that window theya. Ye should be out climbing trees and scroungin’ aroun for nuts, like the wombat. Go out to the local grocer, seek the out the beer section and imbibe thyself with some Fosters. Then retire to the trees, lead the life of the wombat and follow in the footsteps of God.’
Thus, that is how I gained a true understanding of the meaning of life. Facts and proof are a fool’s game, we must have faith in the inner wombat and the courage to follow him. Since I believe so strongly in this, it must definitely be true.